"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya Angelou
So should I just plaster a smile on my face and sing songs all day? Even though that would be very entertaining for my dog, I don't know if that would help. So how do I get my happy back? The thing is I don't just want to be happy. I want to be content, completely satisfied with what I have. I want to be able to say: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:11-12
Well I definitely don't like my health right now. I hate feeling like I'm living my life in slow motion and putting my dreams on hold, while I watch others travel the world, have babies and flourish in their career. For me, an accomplished day is when I go to the food store. How lame is that? I practically might as well be in my 80s, I frequently wear stretchy pants (leggings), I knit (need I say more), I go to bed early (before 10) , my in-laws have a busier social calendar than we do, and I take a nap each day! I usually am a positive person. But lately, I've been throwing myself the biggest pity party. I feel bad physically and I'm letting bad thoughts creep into my mind. Instead of being filled with hope, I'm filled with doubt.
On top of feeling down, I've been very anxious. I worry about what supplements I'm taking. I wonder about my diet. I look around my apartment and make mental lists of all of the organizational things I need to do. I try to plan in my head where I'll be in the summer. Will I be able to travel by myself to PA? When will I be able to have a baby? All of my worry thoughts totally mess up my sleep too. I really struggle with living in the moment. I need to try and just do the best I can each day. If that means, I can't go out and just need a day in bed, that needs to be okay. I never know what the next day will bring and all of my obsessing and planning ahead is definitely not helping.
So should I just plaster a smile on my face and sing songs all day? Even though that would be very entertaining for my dog, I don't know if that would help. So how do I get my happy back? The thing is I don't just want to be happy. I want to be content, completely satisfied with what I have. I want to be able to say: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:11-12
If I ever want to be truly content, I need to be able to accept my situation and where I am. My mother-in-law always tells me, "You can choose your attitude, even though you can't choose your situation." It's definitely a struggle to be content and at peace. Each day I have a chance to be hopeful and content or depressed, worrisome and anxious. Really when you think about it, you can always find something to complain about. Being sad and miserable about your situation only makes it worse.
I'm choosing happy. I'm choosing contentment. I'm choosing peace.
Love that beginning quote!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything you wrote, Amanda. We have all been there (and probably all will again!). Sometimes you just need to let yourself wallow a bit in self-pity (not for too long!) - you're doing the right thing to express your feelings here. The losses you feel are real, and it helps to acknowledge them...then you can move on.
Hey, getting to the grocery store is a big accomplishment!!
When I'm having trouble getting out of a funk, I find it helps to turn to some good escapism fiction - something uplifting, like a favorite movie or a great book that will not only entertain me and take my mind off my own troubles but also remind me of those great truths of life.
Thinking of you...
Sue
Good for you. It's natural to feel discontentment, especially when you're faced with an obstacle like your chronic illness, which forces you to live a life that's so contrary to your natural impulses and habits. But acceptance and peace will help you feel better and might help you get well, and feeding the stress and angst definitely won't do either. You're wise to work toward accepting your life right now for what it is, and seeking contentment.
ReplyDeleteSue,
ReplyDeleteI didn't stay in my funk for long. It's inevitable to have down periods once in a while. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I had lots of cuddle time with Raven which helped!!
E,
Thanks! It's truly one of the hardest things in life.. accepting where you are. It's hard to not be wanting this or that. But I have so much to be thankful for and I try to focus on that! Even if I never get better, my life will still be great. That said I still have hope that I will get better.