Baby Talk

My husband and I have been married for three and a half years, and we really want to start a family. My heart's desire is to have a baby. I'm 31, and I definitely feel in my heart that it's time. I've wanted to be a mother ever since I can remember. Having CFS makes me a little worried about having a baby. Is my body ready? Will I feel worse if I get pregnant? Can I handle raising a baby? Will I have enough energy?

There are no guarantees in life. I have to accept that I don't know what will happen. I could get worse, or I could feel the same. This is where trusting God comes in. Each day I pray and ask God for guidance, strength, and patience. I do believe He has placed the desire in my heart to be a mother. I have to trust that all things work out for the best and just let go of all my fears and worries.

Although I'm not pregnant yet, I'm open to the idea of getting pregnant. I'm trying to quiet all my worry thoughts and focus on what good could come from having  a baby. My full focus right now is on my health. I officially quit subbing, after only working 4 days over 4 months. I hated it and the stress of not knowing how I was going to feel when I signed up for jobs was too much for me. Instead, I'm focusing on yoga, nutrition (I'm still sugar, dairy, and grain free!), stress management, and slowly building up my walking regimen. I just have to take it one day at a time, but I'm hoping one day soon to be a hot momma! (Make that a healthy, hot momma!)

Make room for a little ommm in your home!

After practicing some yoga yesterday, I left my mat, blanket, block and strap out. I usually always put all of my props away since I live in a small apartment, but maybe I was feeling tired, relaxed, or lazy. (or all of the above) Instead, I left my props right next to my favorite yoga wall.

This morning I had to wake up early to get bloodwork done. On my way to the kitchen, I saw my yoga gear sitting there waiting for me. I didn't have much time but since everything was already out, I decided to do a few poses. I just did a few of my favorite poses- Virasana, Setu Bandha and Viparita Karani. After all I only had a fifteen minutes. I felt immediately better afterwards and so I decided to leave my props out. My goal is to do a few poses each day. However, if I have to keep putting props away and taking them out, I will forget to take time to practice yoga. In my dream house, I would have a room dedicated to yoga filled with bolsters, chairs, rope wall, etc. Someday. Maybe. But for now, I'll settle for a yoga nook!

I am by no means a yoga teacher. But I have been blessed with wonderful yoga teachers who have given me wonderful tips on how to make poses work for me with my health condition. Here is a little bit more about the 3 poses that I did today:

1. Virasana (Hero Pose)


Virasana (Hero Pose)



Since my butt does not reach the ground when I do this pose, I simply sit on my block (at the second height). You can also use blankets or a bolster. You should not feel any pain, if you do sit higher! I find this to be a relaxing pose. While I sit in this pose, I like to meditate. Also, I like to do Urdhva Hastasana once I'm in this pose for a bit. Basically that just means raised hands. All you do is lift your arms straight up. Then I clasp my hands together in front, turn my hands out and lift them above my head. I was feeling sore in my quads from my yoga class on Monday, so this was a great way to stretch them out.



Setu Bandha (Bridge Pose)



2. Setu Bandha (Bridge Pose)

I couldn't find a picture for this pose to show exactly how I do it. There are so many variations.  Instead of placing the block between my legs, as it is shown to the left. I place a block on the floor, right under my sacrum.  This is a great support for those who are fatigued or new to yoga. It allows you to reap the benefits of the stretch without being too hard on your body. First, I start off on the lowest height, and I gradually work up to the highest.  I love this pose because it calms your brain, alleviates stress, rejuvenates tired legs, and reduces fatigue, headaches and insomnia.





Viparita Karani (Legs up the Wall)



3. Viparita Karani (Legs up the Wall) This is my absolute favorite pose! No matter how bad I feel, I always feel better after this pose. It calms your mind, relieves tired or cramped legs and feet, and relieves mild back pain. Instead using a bolster as it's shown in the picture, I like to use a folded blanket. I find it's easier on my back. I can use a bolster if it's not super round. I also like to use a strap. I wrap it around the balls of my feet and hold the straps in my hands. I find this helps me to get into the pose. Then I make a big V with my legs, still using the strap. Lastly, I bend my knees, put the soles of my feet together, and slide my feet down the wall. I then support my thighs with either my hands or blocks. If you are suffering from back pain, once you are in this pose, have someone place a sandbag across the soles of your feet.

For more information on these poses, go to www.yogajournal.com (That's where I got my photos!)

Good to be back

I'd love to say that I haven't been blogging because I've been feeling so great that I've been out every day doing fun and amazing things. Unfortunately, the reality is I've mostly been snowed in off and on, including an ice storm where I lost power all day. You're probably thinking I could have been blogging every day, with maybe the exception of the power outage. But I forgot to mention one important detail... my computer broke 3 weeks ago, and my laptop was in the hands of Best Buy's Geek Squad. Ahhhhh!!!

Being computerless was okay at first. Maybe because it was the weekend and my husband was home. But after a few days, I was really starting to go crazy. I never realized how many times throughout the day I used my computer. Each day, there would be many moments of wanting to google something, email someone, go on Facebook, look for a recipe, check a knitting pattern, order vitamins, and even pay bills! Going cold turkey was tough. In a real pinch, I could still access the internet on my phone. However, my connection was slow and it would use up the battery. There were many days I would think about going to the library to use the computers there. With the constant snow storms and dealing with CFS, that never happened.

Well now I have my computer back and you would think I'd be thrilled. Instead, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I don't know where to begin with blogging, getting caught up with emails, etc. I am so appreciate of computers. They do make my life so much easier. But they are also such a distraction and time sucker!  Also, when I research CFS or health topics, it can cause me to get anxious. As much as I hate to admit this, I was much more productive without having a computer.  I knit my heart out.  I knit two hats, one for me and one for my husband and also started two other projects.  I took more time in the day to practice yoga, meditate, write in my journal, and read.

Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy to have my computer back. In fact, I already used it today to get a recipe for my dinner, search for a knitting project on Ravelry, and catch up on Facebook. Truthfully, not having a computer made me feel even more lonely on days when my husband worked 16 hour days, which has been happening way too often lately. Overall, it was definitely an experience that  will help me be more conscious of how I use my computer. I could think of a thousand things to google or search right now. But I hear my knitting needles calling my name. Time to log off and work on my lovely leaf scarf!

I'm still standing

Week one of no sugar, grains, legumes, dairy, alcohol or caffeine wasn't really that bad.  I wasn't tempted to cheat at all because I was so motivated with how I felt on this diet before.  The first few days I felt pretty bad. I think my body was angry about the lack of chocolate and oatmeal. I didn't try to do much on those days except rest. But on Saturday when I woke up I noticed a difference. I didn't wake up with my usual body aches. I felt a little more alert and not as foggy. I also lost a few pounds which is always a plus! (I've gained about ten pounds over the course of my three years with CFS.)

However, I am already starting to get sick of eggs again. I need to come up with some new creative recipes for breakfast. I was thinking I could make a breakfast stir fry with veggies and meat or heat up some leftovers. My menu for the week was simple. Basically, I would have eggs with vegetables and half a grapefruit for breakfast, a BIG salad with chicken, vegetables and my homemade salad dressing, a snack of nuts, green apple and almond butter, or cold chicken, and for dinner a protein and vegetable. Last night for dinner I roasted a chicken and brussel sprouts. I also had fish two nights this week with sauteed kale and chard. I'm definitely getting my green on!

One success of the week was making homemade bone broth. Since I was still getting over a cold and most food didn't appeal to me, I decided to make some homemade chicken broth. Didn't grandma always say that chicken soup is the perfect remedy for colds? I did some research on bone broths and discovered that there are numerous benefits! Homemade broth is rich in calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and other trace minerals. Plus the minerals in broth are easily absorbed by the body.  Bone broth even contains glucosamine and chondroiton.  Bye bye joint pain! Also, homemade bone broths are often rich in gelatin which brings food into contact with digestive juices and soothes the intestinal wall. Lastly, they are super easy to make, which is a big plus for me! I really feel that having some broth each day helped me get over that nasty cold. Since the health benefits are so great, it's something that I'm going to incorporate in my diet on a regular basis.  

Despite giving up some things I love; I'm still standing. In fact, I even went to a regular beginner yoga class. (Not a gentle class!) It was hard, but I was able to keep up! Now I'm resting with some knitting to catch up on, chicken broth simmering on the stove, and am filled with hope that tomorrow will be an even better day!

Sometimes it's just the little things...

When I'm having  a bad day, even these things are tough:


1. Email


2. Meal planning and making food lists


3. Writing blog posts


4. Uploading pictures on Facebook or Flickr or Ravelry


5. Knitting


6. Getting ready- shower, drying my hair, makeup (On really bad days I sometimes have to take resting breaks in between or I don't even bother with doing my hair or makeup)


7. Long phone conversations or visits with friends


8. House stuff- making the bed, laundry, sweeping, doing the dishes, unloading the dishwasher. Luckily I have help with cleaning every other week!


9. Taking my dog out on short walks


10.Yoga stretches


And yes today is one of those days which is why my blog post is short! I was upset this morning when I saw my husband took my keys into work because that meant I couldn't drive our car. Who am I kiddin'? I can't go out today!

In order for me please others, I need to put my health first!

Immediately after I wrote the title for this blog post, I thought to myself, does that sound selfish? I don't mean for it to sound that way. I'm such a people pleaser. I hate to say no or have to cancel plans. I'm a pretty outgoing person. I love devoting all my time to my family and friends. I even hate saying no to the substitute callers. I'm beginning to think that they're giving up on me. One month ago, I agreed to sub today and tomorrow. Well of course, a month ago that sounded like a great idea! I certainly would be feeling better by then. I could rest up a few days in advance. I'd make it work, as Tim Gunn loves to say. I should have thought more realistically though. I mean the first week after Christmas vacation. What was I thinking? So needless to say, I had to cancel on them at the last minute.


So all I really did was delay my saying no. My immediate response is always yes! I get invited to a book club. My response is: Definitely! What can I bring?  A friend wants to set up a lunch date for the following Tuesday. My response is: That would be so much fun! But then I feel even worse when I have to cancel plans because I'm not feeling well. Or sometimes, I'll force myself to go and then pay for it for a few days after. Then after having a few bad days, I wonder, was it worth it?


My goal for 2011, is to put my health first. I can't be a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, teacher, neighbor, or yogi, if I don't take care of myself. As much as I like to be involved and do things, I'd rather wait until I'm having a good day so I can actually feel like myself. The thing is I know people that are close to me totally understand. I had to cancel plans with my family recently. My sister in law was so supportive, she told me to take another day to rest and if I still wasn't feeling well the next day that they would come and visit me. It's hard to say no to social gatherings because having CFS can get rather lonely. (especially if you're a people person like me!) So it meant a lot to me that she was willing to change plans and come up to see me if need be. Luckily, I ended up feeling better the following day so I drove down to my parents' house to see them. And instead of having to drive back and forth in one day, my nephew slept on a sleeping bag in with my brother and sister in law and I slept in my old bed! Not having to drive back and forth in one day meant I got to rest more and spend time with my family. I know that the people who love me want me to feel well, even if that sometimes means saying no.


When I get asked to get together with a friend from now on, my new response will be: I'd love to go, but I will have to play it by ear though. I hope it works out. If not, we can reschedule!

Goodbye chocolate! Hello kale!

I hate to say this, but I think my CFS symptoms get worse when I eat sugary foods and large amounts of carbs. (Even if my carbs were gluten free grains, starchy veggies like butternut squash, fruit, and legumes.) As much as I love my dark chocolate, I have to say: so long Dagoba! Ever since I started getting more lacks with my diet, my symptoms increased. It was fun at first to eat whatever I wanted, and it was good for my mental health. However, I added in so much at once, I can't identify the culprit.


The new year seems like a good time to examine my diet more carefully. I want to make changes gradually and not shock my body. My plan for this week is to start with the serious offenders (also known as my favorite foods). I have eliminated sugar, grains, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol (I haven't had a drink in over a year, but I thought I'd throw that in the list since I'm continuing to give it up!) I really don't want to give up grains because I can get bored of eating eggs for breakfast every morning, but nevertheless... In a week or two, I'm also going to give up fruits, nuts, and starchy vegetables. At that point my plan will be to go pretty restrictive for a few weeks and see if I feel any better. I know I can live on a super restrictive diet because I've done it for a year. If I do feel better, I'm going to challenge foods one at a time and see what I can handle. I was looking back at my planner in August 2010 and noticed I was taking an hour long regular yoga class once or twice a week and walking 20 minutes a few days a week.... I want to get back there!!


The doctor I've been working with did a bunch of tests and discovered that my digestive system is very weak. I have low, low amounts of beneficial bacteria. He put me on some digestive aids and probiotics. I hope that by adding these supplements and changing my diet, I'll feel better. He is actually a doctor/nutritionist and one of the things he told me was to eat large amounts of leafy greens. I have found sauteed kale/chard/beet greens is a good alternative to break up the monotony of salads. It's the perfect side along with any protein. Tonight for dinner I had sauteed kale and wild salmon. It was a healthy, tasty, and colorful dinner. Here is the recipe so you can give a try!


Sauteed Greens with Garlic (2 servings)


Ingredients:

Medium bunch of kale, green or red chard, beet greens

1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil

2-3 garlic cloves, sliced
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
Celtic sea salt
Juice of half a lemon


1. Remove the stems and midribs from one medium bunch of kale , red or green chard, or beet greens. Cut any stems or midribs into half inch pieces. Coarsely chop the leaves. Rinse well, but do not dry!
2. Put a large skillet over medium-low heat. Add oil, garlic, and red pepper flakes and heat until the oil is fragrant and the garlic is just beginning to color.
3. Add the stems and ribs and season with salt. Cook stirring occasionally, until nearly tender, about 2 minutes.
4. Add the leaves and cook, partially covered, until both the leaves and stems are tender, 3-5 minutes more.
5. Season with huice of half a lemon. Taste again for salt.