Immediately after I wrote the title for this blog post, I thought to myself, does that sound selfish? I don't mean for it to sound that way. I'm such a people pleaser. I hate to say no or have to cancel plans. I'm a pretty outgoing person. I love devoting all my time to my family and friends. I even hate saying no to the substitute callers. I'm beginning to think that they're giving up on me. One month ago, I agreed to sub today and tomorrow. Well of course, a month ago that sounded like a great idea! I certainly would be feeling better by then. I could rest up a few days in advance. I'd make it work, as Tim Gunn loves to say. I should have thought more realistically though. I mean the first week after Christmas vacation. What was I thinking? So needless to say, I had to cancel on them at the last minute.
So all I really did was delay my saying no. My immediate response is always yes! I get invited to a book club. My response is: Definitely! What can I bring? A friend wants to set up a lunch date for the following Tuesday. My response is: That would be so much fun! But then I feel even worse when I have to cancel plans because I'm not feeling well. Or sometimes, I'll force myself to go and then pay for it for a few days after. Then after having a few bad days, I wonder, was it worth it?
My goal for 2011, is to put my health first. I can't be a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, teacher, neighbor, or yogi, if I don't take care of myself. As much as I like to be involved and do things, I'd rather wait until I'm having a good day so I can actually feel like myself. The thing is I know people that are close to me totally understand. I had to cancel plans with my family recently. My sister in law was so supportive, she told me to take another day to rest and if I still wasn't feeling well the next day that they would come and visit me. It's hard to say no to social gatherings because having CFS can get rather lonely. (especially if you're a people person like me!) So it meant a lot to me that she was willing to change plans and come up to see me if need be. Luckily, I ended up feeling better the following day so I drove down to my parents' house to see them. And instead of having to drive back and forth in one day, my nephew slept on a sleeping bag in with my brother and sister in law and I slept in my old bed! Not having to drive back and forth in one day meant I got to rest more and spend time with my family. I know that the people who love me want me to feel well, even if that sometimes means saying no.
When I get asked to get together with a friend from now on, my new response will be: I'd love to go, but I will have to play it by ear though. I hope it works out. If not, we can reschedule!
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