Come On and Get Happy!

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya Angelou

Well I definitely don't like my health right now. I hate feeling like I'm living my life in slow motion and putting my dreams on hold, while I watch others travel the world, have babies and flourish in their career. For me, an accomplished day is when I go to the food store.  How lame is that? I practically might as well be in my 80s, I frequently wear stretchy pants (leggings), I knit (need I say more), I go to bed early (before 10) , my in-laws have a busier social calendar than we do, and I take a nap each day! I usually am a positive person. But lately, I've been throwing myself the biggest pity party. I feel bad physically and I'm letting bad thoughts creep into my mind. Instead of being filled with hope, I'm filled with doubt. 

On top of feeling down, I've been very anxious. I worry about what supplements I'm taking. I wonder about my diet. I look around my apartment and make mental lists of all of the organizational things I need to do. I try to plan in my head where I'll be in the summer.  Will I be able to travel by myself to PA? When will I be able to have a baby? All of my worry thoughts totally mess up my sleep too.  I really struggle with living in the moment. I need to try and just do the best I can each day. If that means, I can't go out and just need a day in bed, that needs to be okay. I never know what the next day will bring and all of my obsessing and planning ahead is definitely not helping.  

So should I just plaster a smile on my face and sing songs all day? Even though that would be very entertaining for my dog, I don't know if that would help. So how do I get my happy back? The thing is I don't just want to be happy. I want to be content, completely satisfied with what I have. I want to be able to say: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:11-12

If I ever want to be truly content, I need to be able to accept my situation and where I am. My mother-in-law always tells me, "You can choose your attitude, even though you can't choose your situation."  It's definitely a struggle to be content and at peace. Each day I have a chance to be hopeful and content or depressed, worrisome and anxious.  Really when you think about it, you can always find something to complain about. Being sad and miserable about your situation only makes it worse. 

I'm choosing happy. I'm choosing contentment. I'm choosing peace.  

Feeling Cluttered

I live in a two bedroom, one floor apartment, so it's hard to keep it clutter free. We previously lived in a three bedroom house and so we've accumulated a lot of stuff. Mostly because both my husband and I are both pack rats. Okay, I'm slightly more of a pack rat than him. I tend to keep things for sentimental reasons, like the flip flop salt and pepper shakers that he bought me in FL when we first started dating. We do not have a garage, basement or attic, but we do have a storage unit. Our storage unit is so jam-packed, it's ridiculous. We have a lot of furniture in there that won't fit in our current living space--leather chairs, hutch, desk, a few dining room chairs and other random things such as bikes, kayaks, shovels, etc. Also, we have boxes and boxes of my teaching supplies. I can't seem to part with these even though I don't know when I'll be teaching again (notice I used when and not IF). 

I am now realizing that living in a smaller space, we really need to get our act together and seriously de-clutter our home. Our second bedroom, which is supposed to serve as an office/guest room, is what my husband lovingly calls, "the keeping room." Now that we're hoping one day soon we'll be able to transform that room into a nursery, we need to make part of our living room an office space. But before we can even think about that, I'd like to be able to see the bed and the desk in the guest room without piles and piles of clutter.

Since I'm home all day with the cluttered, chaotic mess, I've been starting to go crazy. As a result, I've caught the spring cleaning bug. I've been making lists room by room of things that need to be dealt with, closets that need to be organized, paintings that need to be hung, etc. The problem is the only thing I truly have energy for is making the list. And truthfully, that even made me tired. 

The first big job on my spring cleaning list was to pack away winter clothes, coats, boots and scarves and unpack all things springy and summery.  My husband always tells me I don't like to start something if I can't finish it, which is so true. If I know I don't have energy to tackle the whole task, I won't even start. Probably because in order for it to get clean and organized, I first need to make a big mess. And then if I don't finish, well now I'm living with a bigger mess. This weekend he willingly agreed to help get our closets switched and organized. Also, we finally unpacked one box that we somehow randomly forgot about that's been sitting in our dining room for over a year (No judgement!) In the process, I put together a bag of things to donate, and a garbage bag. And guess where the flip flop salt and pepper shakers went.... GARBAGE! 

On Sunday, I was able to cross two things off of my spring cleaning list. I have about ten more things on the list. (Of course, organizing the guest room is equivalent to about ten of the other jobs.) But it's a good feeling knowing we're getting somewhere. Now that I have my list, if I ever have a day where I have energy after taking care of Raven, cooking, and laundry, maybe I'll get started even if I can't finish.

I should also mention, that I apologized to my husband because I was very enthusiastic about my "let's get organized" mission. I know he works hard in the week and likes to rest on the weekends. I hate to bug him with my Honey Do list. But he said, "I don't mind. I like helping you out." Did I mention I married the most amazing man? In November, I wrote a post dedicated to him. If you haven't read it already, here is my blog post about Steve.

I'll Just Ride on the Backs of the Angels Each Night...

So I'm back from Florida. As tempting as it was to stay in the warm weather, I'm happy to be back home! I had a wonderful trip. It was very relaxing! I slept well and felt okay for the most part. It's always tough coming home and recovering from traveling. A few days after I came home, I saw my doctor to go over test results. She was concerned with a few things and wants me to put my dream of having a baby on hold for a few months. I know she's probably right, but it was still hard to hear. On top of that, she had me do a liver cleanse that pretty much knocked me out for a week. So it's been a down week for me both physically and emotionally. I'm too sleepy to write too much about it now, but I just wanted to share a song. 

"Poughkeepsie" by Over the Rhine is probably one of my favorite songs of all time. I remember being captivated the first time I heard it live at a college music festival. I was instantly an Over the Rhine fan.

Here are just some of the lyrics that really speak to me:

Then the skies, they fell open
and my eyes were opened
to a world of hope falling at my feet.
Now I've no more or less
than anyone else has,
what I have is a gift of life I can't repeat.

So I go up Poughkeepsie,
look out o'er the Hudson
and I cast my worries to the sky.
Now I still know sorrow,
but I can fly like the sparrow
'cause I ride on the backs of the angels tonight.


I know this isn't the best quality of video but I like what Karin has to say about the song. Over the Rhine is an amazing band to see live so hopefully you'll see why I was captivated.

While searching for this song on You Tube, I found a video of my friend, Allie Moss, singing the same song. Equally amazing voice in my opinion. Make sure you turn the volume up!