Come On and Get Happy!

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya Angelou

Well I definitely don't like my health right now. I hate feeling like I'm living my life in slow motion and putting my dreams on hold, while I watch others travel the world, have babies and flourish in their career. For me, an accomplished day is when I go to the food store.  How lame is that? I practically might as well be in my 80s, I frequently wear stretchy pants (leggings), I knit (need I say more), I go to bed early (before 10) , my in-laws have a busier social calendar than we do, and I take a nap each day! I usually am a positive person. But lately, I've been throwing myself the biggest pity party. I feel bad physically and I'm letting bad thoughts creep into my mind. Instead of being filled with hope, I'm filled with doubt. 

On top of feeling down, I've been very anxious. I worry about what supplements I'm taking. I wonder about my diet. I look around my apartment and make mental lists of all of the organizational things I need to do. I try to plan in my head where I'll be in the summer.  Will I be able to travel by myself to PA? When will I be able to have a baby? All of my worry thoughts totally mess up my sleep too.  I really struggle with living in the moment. I need to try and just do the best I can each day. If that means, I can't go out and just need a day in bed, that needs to be okay. I never know what the next day will bring and all of my obsessing and planning ahead is definitely not helping.  

So should I just plaster a smile on my face and sing songs all day? Even though that would be very entertaining for my dog, I don't know if that would help. So how do I get my happy back? The thing is I don't just want to be happy. I want to be content, completely satisfied with what I have. I want to be able to say: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:11-12

If I ever want to be truly content, I need to be able to accept my situation and where I am. My mother-in-law always tells me, "You can choose your attitude, even though you can't choose your situation."  It's definitely a struggle to be content and at peace. Each day I have a chance to be hopeful and content or depressed, worrisome and anxious.  Really when you think about it, you can always find something to complain about. Being sad and miserable about your situation only makes it worse. 

I'm choosing happy. I'm choosing contentment. I'm choosing peace.  

I Radio Heaven

I believe in God. I believe He is powerful, loving, and full of grace and compassion for everyone who calls on Him. I believe that He loves me, cares about me, and has a plan for my life. I know He hears all of my prayers. He has answered many of them, big or small. But sometimes I feel a like He's distant. I pray countless times to be healed. I ask for the ability to have patience and accept my situation. I know deep down that everything happens for a reason. I know that all things work out for the good for those who love Him. Yet... I struggle. Will I ever be healed? Will I ever be myself again? Will my dreams of having a children, getting my masters, and going back to teaching ever come true? Am I dreaming too big? If this is how I will be for the rest of my life, can I be okay with that?

Today when I sat down to have my meditation and devotion time, I felt like the devotional I was reading was written directly to me. Here is what it said, "Sometimes we face struggles in life, and we are tempted to think that God has forgotten us. We may even believe that God no longer loves us. But God's love for us is as expansive as the open arms of Christ on the cross. And the tender compassion of our heavenly Father is more dependable and more enduring than the love of a nursing mother for her infant. Be comforted--His love never fails." Bill Crowder (Isaiah 49:13-18)

Reading that filled me with peace. I don't know if I'll ever get better. However, I do know that God will never forget me. He has engraved me on the palm of His hands.  He knows what's best for me and I need to trust in Him.