Winter Knitting Projects part 2

I've been busy knitting projects after Christmas. I guess I'm a little obsessed with the color grey! Currently I am working on two other grey projects! I can't help myself!

This is a cable pocket shawl made out of a warm alpaca yarn.





I love wrapping myself up in this cozy shawl. It's perfect for brisk winter days!

 

Grey hat for me, grey hat for my husband


 

This is probably the best angle to really see this hat. It's a cable slouchy hat knit in Berroco Flicker. 




This is probably my new favorite yarn. I love the silver specks!

Steve modeling his warm hat.




Letter to a Long Lost Friend

Dear Sleep,

Oh where have you been? It's been so long! Each night I hope I will get at least 7 or  8 hours with you. But it never happens! I am so exhausted each night. I read for at least 20 minutes and then my eyes start to close. I turn the light out... but nothing happens. I just lay there. But I don't get it because I'm so tired! I don't even have any stressful things on my mind!

Last night after an hour or two, I finally broke down and took an Ambien. But that really didn't do me any good at all! I eventually fell asleep for an hour or two, but I still woke up super early around 3:30. Ambien is not very reliable. I would like to try other medications, but since I'm thinking about starting a family I really don't want to get too attached to any drug. I suppose this is what what motherhood is like anyhow. So maybe this is preparation?

Without you, I'm useless. I wake up with a bad headache and sore throat. It takes me even longer to get going. My brain is a complete fog. My already small energy envelope shrinks down and I can't really do much at all. I sometimes will try to play catch up and take a quick nap in the day. However, I never actually sleep during my nap. Oh how I miss you so! Hope to see you soon.

                                                                                              Your Biggest Fan,
                                                                                               Amanda

I Radio Heaven

I believe in God. I believe He is powerful, loving, and full of grace and compassion for everyone who calls on Him. I believe that He loves me, cares about me, and has a plan for my life. I know He hears all of my prayers. He has answered many of them, big or small. But sometimes I feel a like He's distant. I pray countless times to be healed. I ask for the ability to have patience and accept my situation. I know deep down that everything happens for a reason. I know that all things work out for the good for those who love Him. Yet... I struggle. Will I ever be healed? Will I ever be myself again? Will my dreams of having a children, getting my masters, and going back to teaching ever come true? Am I dreaming too big? If this is how I will be for the rest of my life, can I be okay with that?

Today when I sat down to have my meditation and devotion time, I felt like the devotional I was reading was written directly to me. Here is what it said, "Sometimes we face struggles in life, and we are tempted to think that God has forgotten us. We may even believe that God no longer loves us. But God's love for us is as expansive as the open arms of Christ on the cross. And the tender compassion of our heavenly Father is more dependable and more enduring than the love of a nursing mother for her infant. Be comforted--His love never fails." Bill Crowder (Isaiah 49:13-18)

Reading that filled me with peace. I don't know if I'll ever get better. However, I do know that God will never forget me. He has engraved me on the palm of His hands.  He knows what's best for me and I need to trust in Him.

This Crash Was Not in My Plans

After I made some changes in my diet, I noticed I was having more energy. I was thrilled! Anxious and excited to do more, I started going back to the regular yoga class once a week. Immediately after class I would have more energy and then would rest for the remainder of the day. I would feel sore the next day from working my muscles, but I wouldn't crash. I would just plan to take it easy the day after my class. There were even a few weeks where I took 2 yoga classes in a week. 2!!!!!

However the past week or two, I feel like I am back feeling worse. I know it's bad when showering is an exhausting activity. Even typing this post is exhausting! Was I being too overly optimistic? Did I push myself too far? I hate that I can not predict anything with this illness. I used to love setting fitness goals for myself. I can't do that with CFS. I'd love to plan a trip out to visit friends in Pennsylvania.  I really can't plan anything because I really just never know.

I'm a plan ahead kind of girl who loves to be in control. I can maybe plan my meals but I can't plan what I'll be able to accomplish in a given day. I hate thinking about all the things that I want to check off of my to do list and wondering if they will ever get done. Will I have energy again? Will I ever be myself again? So looks like I may have to miss yoga this week and ride this crash out.  Now if only I could accept that I don't have control..... I'll save those ramblings for another blog post.

Winter Knitting Projects Part 1

Thanks to this incredibly snowy, cold winter we've had, I've been quite a productive knitter. These are the projects I knit for Christmas gifts. I also knit a scarf for my sister in law but forgot to take a picture of it. 

Hat I knit for my nephew Otis in 3 days! Love this easy care merino yarn!

Otis modeling his hat on Christmas morning.

Twirly, watermelon skirt for my niece, Ruby. I knit this in a cotton yarn and it has an elastic waistband. 

 

Ballerina wrap sweater for my niece, Lucia that took me a lot longer than 3 days!

I love this bow! Pink green polka dot perfection!

My nieces love their new hand knit clothes as much as they love each other. 

Daily dose of vitamin D

Today was one of those freakishly warm February days. Although I wasn't feeling well, I had to get outside and soak up some of the sun. I definitely get more blue in the winter, which in turn makes me feel worse physically too. I have had way too many snowed in days. So when it's almost 70 out, who cares if snow is still on the ground, I had to get out of the house!

Even though it was an hour or so before I usually take my dog out for her afternoon walk, as soon as I said, OUT, she immediately was by the door, wagging her tail with joy. The plan was to walk her around my apartment complex and then find a sunny bench to rest and relax.

We sat outside on the bench for about 15 minutes. It was so calming and peaceful. The sun immediately lifted my spirits. Then one of my neighbors brought her dog out and they ran around together for a bit. It was nice to chat with her and break up my day. CFS can be such a lonely illness. So getting a little sun and talking with a neighbor helped perk up my day.

Studies show that 25% of people with CFS or Fibromylagia have low levels of vitamin d. I know every time I get my blood work done my vitamin d is either low or border low. I eat foods with vitamin d such as eggs and wild salmon.  I also take a vitamin d supplement, 2,000 IU a day and there is also some vitamin d in my daily tablespoon of cod liver oil. But in the winter when you're barely outside, it's hard to keep your levels up. I personally think getting a little sun is not only good to boost your vitamin d, but to boost your spirits. Maybe that's just because I'm a beach girl. Something about being outside in the sun just puts me in a good mood.

I definitely think it's important to get out as much as possible. Even if it is just sitting on a bench! Now I'm really looking forward to spring. Maybe next time I'll bring a magazine or book to read. One thing I know is my dog is always more than ready to join me!

Baby Talk

My husband and I have been married for three and a half years, and we really want to start a family. My heart's desire is to have a baby. I'm 31, and I definitely feel in my heart that it's time. I've wanted to be a mother ever since I can remember. Having CFS makes me a little worried about having a baby. Is my body ready? Will I feel worse if I get pregnant? Can I handle raising a baby? Will I have enough energy?

There are no guarantees in life. I have to accept that I don't know what will happen. I could get worse, or I could feel the same. This is where trusting God comes in. Each day I pray and ask God for guidance, strength, and patience. I do believe He has placed the desire in my heart to be a mother. I have to trust that all things work out for the best and just let go of all my fears and worries.

Although I'm not pregnant yet, I'm open to the idea of getting pregnant. I'm trying to quiet all my worry thoughts and focus on what good could come from having  a baby. My full focus right now is on my health. I officially quit subbing, after only working 4 days over 4 months. I hated it and the stress of not knowing how I was going to feel when I signed up for jobs was too much for me. Instead, I'm focusing on yoga, nutrition (I'm still sugar, dairy, and grain free!), stress management, and slowly building up my walking regimen. I just have to take it one day at a time, but I'm hoping one day soon to be a hot momma! (Make that a healthy, hot momma!)

Make room for a little ommm in your home!

After practicing some yoga yesterday, I left my mat, blanket, block and strap out. I usually always put all of my props away since I live in a small apartment, but maybe I was feeling tired, relaxed, or lazy. (or all of the above) Instead, I left my props right next to my favorite yoga wall.

This morning I had to wake up early to get bloodwork done. On my way to the kitchen, I saw my yoga gear sitting there waiting for me. I didn't have much time but since everything was already out, I decided to do a few poses. I just did a few of my favorite poses- Virasana, Setu Bandha and Viparita Karani. After all I only had a fifteen minutes. I felt immediately better afterwards and so I decided to leave my props out. My goal is to do a few poses each day. However, if I have to keep putting props away and taking them out, I will forget to take time to practice yoga. In my dream house, I would have a room dedicated to yoga filled with bolsters, chairs, rope wall, etc. Someday. Maybe. But for now, I'll settle for a yoga nook!

I am by no means a yoga teacher. But I have been blessed with wonderful yoga teachers who have given me wonderful tips on how to make poses work for me with my health condition. Here is a little bit more about the 3 poses that I did today:

1. Virasana (Hero Pose)


Virasana (Hero Pose)



Since my butt does not reach the ground when I do this pose, I simply sit on my block (at the second height). You can also use blankets or a bolster. You should not feel any pain, if you do sit higher! I find this to be a relaxing pose. While I sit in this pose, I like to meditate. Also, I like to do Urdhva Hastasana once I'm in this pose for a bit. Basically that just means raised hands. All you do is lift your arms straight up. Then I clasp my hands together in front, turn my hands out and lift them above my head. I was feeling sore in my quads from my yoga class on Monday, so this was a great way to stretch them out.



Setu Bandha (Bridge Pose)



2. Setu Bandha (Bridge Pose)

I couldn't find a picture for this pose to show exactly how I do it. There are so many variations.  Instead of placing the block between my legs, as it is shown to the left. I place a block on the floor, right under my sacrum.  This is a great support for those who are fatigued or new to yoga. It allows you to reap the benefits of the stretch without being too hard on your body. First, I start off on the lowest height, and I gradually work up to the highest.  I love this pose because it calms your brain, alleviates stress, rejuvenates tired legs, and reduces fatigue, headaches and insomnia.





Viparita Karani (Legs up the Wall)



3. Viparita Karani (Legs up the Wall) This is my absolute favorite pose! No matter how bad I feel, I always feel better after this pose. It calms your mind, relieves tired or cramped legs and feet, and relieves mild back pain. Instead using a bolster as it's shown in the picture, I like to use a folded blanket. I find it's easier on my back. I can use a bolster if it's not super round. I also like to use a strap. I wrap it around the balls of my feet and hold the straps in my hands. I find this helps me to get into the pose. Then I make a big V with my legs, still using the strap. Lastly, I bend my knees, put the soles of my feet together, and slide my feet down the wall. I then support my thighs with either my hands or blocks. If you are suffering from back pain, once you are in this pose, have someone place a sandbag across the soles of your feet.

For more information on these poses, go to www.yogajournal.com (That's where I got my photos!)

Good to be back

I'd love to say that I haven't been blogging because I've been feeling so great that I've been out every day doing fun and amazing things. Unfortunately, the reality is I've mostly been snowed in off and on, including an ice storm where I lost power all day. You're probably thinking I could have been blogging every day, with maybe the exception of the power outage. But I forgot to mention one important detail... my computer broke 3 weeks ago, and my laptop was in the hands of Best Buy's Geek Squad. Ahhhhh!!!

Being computerless was okay at first. Maybe because it was the weekend and my husband was home. But after a few days, I was really starting to go crazy. I never realized how many times throughout the day I used my computer. Each day, there would be many moments of wanting to google something, email someone, go on Facebook, look for a recipe, check a knitting pattern, order vitamins, and even pay bills! Going cold turkey was tough. In a real pinch, I could still access the internet on my phone. However, my connection was slow and it would use up the battery. There were many days I would think about going to the library to use the computers there. With the constant snow storms and dealing with CFS, that never happened.

Well now I have my computer back and you would think I'd be thrilled. Instead, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I don't know where to begin with blogging, getting caught up with emails, etc. I am so appreciate of computers. They do make my life so much easier. But they are also such a distraction and time sucker!  Also, when I research CFS or health topics, it can cause me to get anxious. As much as I hate to admit this, I was much more productive without having a computer.  I knit my heart out.  I knit two hats, one for me and one for my husband and also started two other projects.  I took more time in the day to practice yoga, meditate, write in my journal, and read.

Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy to have my computer back. In fact, I already used it today to get a recipe for my dinner, search for a knitting project on Ravelry, and catch up on Facebook. Truthfully, not having a computer made me feel even more lonely on days when my husband worked 16 hour days, which has been happening way too often lately. Overall, it was definitely an experience that  will help me be more conscious of how I use my computer. I could think of a thousand things to google or search right now. But I hear my knitting needles calling my name. Time to log off and work on my lovely leaf scarf!